I had a meeting with my counsellor today, ( Scaredddd )

Gahh.
I'd planned to skip dinner, then the parents brought home chinese food nd we all had to ''sit down nicely at the table and eat like a family''.
I ate about a 3rd of it. That's just ruined my day. Thank you maother. you may be happy with a UK size 14, but I would like to remain below an 8.
Jeeeeessss



Sorry,


Anouschka x

ahh too many exams... :/ and I hadn't eaten all day, so my stomach did this really loud rumble in the afternoon english lit. oh dearrr.

how is everyone? I am feeling like it's an ok evening today.
Anouschkaaaa

I cut myself today. <<

I don't know what I was thinking, doing that. But I do know that I felt so much better afterwards. Which is NOT good.

I'm so lost.

1st councelling appointment today.

I feel surprisingly better... and I didnt have to tell her about the ED
yayayaay ;) I was so scared before I went in I was shaking.
and then it was all fine... silly me :/

loves <3, and keep strong
A x

I am such a failure.

my parents want to get me a councellor, because I have an anxiety disorder and a kind of mild depression....

which could be good, but it may mean i'll gain so much if i tell about the ED... or if the councellor finds out ? what shall i do? 

ive had a bad day today, i got so worked up about this history exam, i hadent eaten all day,  i was shaking and nearly sick, this is happening more and more often and i dont know why it happens or what i can do to stop it, but it makes me really scared.
my parents think it's to do with blood sugar (because i shake, and it goes away when i eat / drink sugary things...)
im so confused. someone please make my descisions for me?

on the plus side: my parents are away saturday and sunday with my sister, so i dont have to eat. :)

oh my goodness....

- i've had a really bad day food-wise, i ate around 600 cals already..
- tomorrow is haloween (lots os sweets and chocolate around)
- and my scales are broken

hheeeellppp

happy - ish mood today.
did 1 hour of aerobics, 30 mins of cycling and im  going swimming in half an hour... :)
lost 1lb already today cos i didnt eat at school.
today ive had: 1 bowl of cereal, 1 pitta bread and an apple  = 450 cals

hoping to lose 3lbs during half term, which is next week and bank holiday monday :) gym everyday i think...
i really dont know what to do about toning though, i mean, it gives you muscle, which weighs in alot heavier than fat, but it makes you look  thinner and healthier... what is better?? 

Anoushkaaaaa x

frik.
my parents found out i'm on here again, so i have to be really careful now. and go on even less frequently. grrr..  im annoyed with them atm. i love them dearly, but they won't butt out. its like constant supervision, and im nearly 16.

food-wise, quite good. i am still under 500 cals today.... :) just need to keep it under control
im off swimming later, and i played one hour of volleyball, and cycled for 30 mins :) i have no idea how many calories that burned, but i always feel better after excersise..

hows your day been ?

loves <3

oh my gosh
i am so
         fat.
        ugly.
                  pathetic.
  weak-willed.
              stupid.
       unatractive.
                             boring.


i actually wanted to cut myself today, so badly, which is something i dont want to get back into.  i nearly cried on my way home from the gym, which is something i never do in public. no one cares where i am at school, they dont notice when i leave a room. my teachers dont seem to bother with me anymore, since 'other people' have higher exam results than me. i am never going to get all A's in my GCSE's, which doesn't bother me as much as it probably should do (?). i am boring. fat. ugly. pathetic. i hate myself and my life. i want to lie in bed all day so i dont have to eat or be around other people.....


sorry. but i feel marginally better after writing that down.

''when the lights go out around me, one last candle to keep out the night and then the darkness surrounds me''



today:

2 slices of bread                   200
none fat cheese triangle       20
biscuits                                   150

total of about                 370       blaaaahhhhh

hey guys....
what do you think is a good BMI to be aiming for? I am curently at about 18.5, but want to get to 17.8

but then i may want to lose more if im not happy with that.....

please help

love you all so much
thanks for all of your support xxx

Anouk xx

today i did


.....


quite well


i've eaten ...

1 teeny pear                                                                                        40
2 breadsticks                                                                                      40
extra low fat dairy lea cheese                                                        20
fairy cake (birthday party.......... at least no alcohol...)                 120?
pizza for tea (at parents house) :(                                                 500
hot chocolate (low fat??)                                                                 100

i make that                                                                                       820
thats less than my limit of 900
so im relatively happy :)
tomorrow i am hoping to weigh in at 123, that'll mean my bmi is 18.3 ......

i want to be at 17 for now.... 119 lbs (or 15% underweight!!)

i hope i can get down to 123.....  i am going to the gym, plus i'll walk there (1.6 miles) and back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

A

xxxxxxxxxx

thinspiration

i want.................


a little little little little waist
a teeny tiny bum
likkle legs
skinny arms
bones bones bones
hip bones
ribs
arms
legs
bum


but im never gonna get there cos i still live at home (14) and my rents make me
eat all meals which seems like all i ever do is eat  food..................................


i am going to try and fast, but obviously i will HAVE to eat tea........... i will say im meeting friends/ whatever to get out the house so i dont have to eat. then i will do to the gym or for a walk to burn calories that i havent actually eaten.........

i will drink LOTS of water and i will dring ginseng tea because it speeds up you metabolism before any nescessary meals. if i feel faint i will eat FRUIT or VEG. because it is low calorie, healthy and my parents cant complain because they always tell my sister to eat more healthily!!!!!!!!!

ha.







here are my STATS.......

w:  125/124 lbs (8.12??)
h:    5' 8.5
gw1: 119
gw2:  110
then we'll see how much i want to loose (probably another 20 or 30 lbs???)

nanou

xx

does anyone know how to fast / hide food while parents are around?





xxxxxxxxxxx


Anouk
xxxxxxxxx

got used to the minginness of ginseng tea :)

just hit the gym... i feel soooo much better

A xxxxxx

heyyyyyy

feeling ok today.

good luck to the people who are fasting, let me know how that's going xx

Anouk xoxo

bmi  18.6

grrrrr